Unfinished Astrology Poem

Welcome my friends!
And thanks for coming so soon
To share with me in the pleasures
Of sparing some thought
For the Stars, Sun and Moon,
And all Astrology's perennial treasures!

Now, because communication
Is such a fine and delicate art,
Especially when there's something
This important to impart;
This Astrology's going out as a poem,
'Cause it gives it that rhythm
That sends the points home.

And, my dears,
If you will bear with me,
I guess another reason I'm employing
This poetic, rhyming medium
Is because, if nothing else,
It relieves the drudgery and the tedium
Which is a burden too often
Borne by the wise
In their labours of light,
For dim little eyes.

And before we go much further along
In these our merry Astrological forays,
Just a quick word or two
For those fearful religious fanatics,
Who love to denounce our Art,
But whom we have to tolerate
These days.

Something that's true
Cannot be wrong,
And absolutely everybody's dancing
This this cosmic song!
Yes, we're all stirring and shaking
With the Stars in their courses,
It appears to be something
That God endorses!

And, did you know
That since God knows when,
History's most pious and eminent men
Have given their good minds to this study?!
So, if you've had any misgivings
About the calibre of the company you're in
You can relax now, buddy!

And now that we've finally
Finished and done
With all these cordial preliminaries;
Pllleeeasse!! can we get on with it then?!
And begin,
With the first sign....
ARIES!!

Have you ever observed the behaviour of Rams?
Especially the feisty males of the clan,
Charging each other,
Butting heads,
To beat each other
If they can.

Well, the Sun and Mars
Are strong and bold,
And these planets flourish
In Aries,
We're told.

But Saturn is very scared and slow
And Falls
In our good sign Aries,
You know.
Here he hobbles along
When he should be daring,
He gets harsh and angry
When he should be caring,
And if you happen to have
This tragic affliction in your map,
Well, we're sorry for you
But what can you do?!
Good luck to you,
Old chap!

The rest of the planets
Fare quite well in this sign,
Though Venus in Aries
May fight in love
All the time,
And Jupiter in Aries
May be tinged with self-righteousness
And Mercury in Aries
Lacking in politenesses,
And, oh yes
Moon in Aries
Can be quite demanding,
And though all of this
Sounds awfully alarming,
The Aries vibration
Give or take
The occasional conflagration,
Is so honest and naive
It's disarming!

(to be continued... waiting for Taurus!)

Don't Underestimate Retrograde Mercury!!

As a student of astrology I aspire to be pragmatic- even scientific!- in my approach. I'm quite irreverent towards many notions and principles that many of my colleagues are completely sold on, sometimes a little naively, in my humble opinion.

Well, the dread and fanfare with which many astrology lovers warn of the onset of Retrograde Mercury every other month is one such piece of astrological lore that I decided to disregard as a case of grotesque exaggeration.

It so happens that Mercury is Retrograde between 24 September and 15 October 2008. A day or two before Mercury went Retrograde someone called me about a Vedic Astrology course I'm running at the end of October. She said, in all seriousness, that she would get back to me after Mercury turns Direct. “Oh whatever!”, I thought, “astrologers are just silly sometimes”. She stuck to her guns; I haven't heard from her yet; maybe she'll emerge soon after mid-October, and we'll get on with that booking...

Nearly two decades ago, when I was just starting to find my way around an ephemeris, I noticed one day that Mercury was Retrograde, and I did find it rather quirky that a letter I was expecting was obviously delayed. It did occur to me that, Mercury being the planet of “messages”, and therefore mail, a Retrograde Mercury might signify delayed or misdirected mail. My suspicion seemed rather vindicated when, on the day Mercury turned Direct, my letter finally arrived!

Some years thereafter I discovered that this was in fact a rather popular idea amoung astrophiles. It certainly is astro-logical, and I seem to recall that I did observe it's effects on a number of subsequent occasions. I think my aversion to the Retrograde Mercury hype developed as a result of my impression that various new age magazines and websites over-emphasized the importance of this particular phenomenon, so that all lay people seemed to know about astrology was the hazards of Retrograde Mercury!

So, I've been quite amused lately, watching by cynicism transformed into renewed respect, by a number of uncanny incidents.

I have made payments into the wrong bank accounts (a sheer lapse of reason), and embarked on some conspicuously unsuccessful advertising campaigns. I have been billed on my credit card for items I have not purchased, and after a very frustrating attempt to reach the credit card people to sort it out, I learned that I was one of several hundred people who were likewise wrongly charged. A friend called and asked, “have you sent that info yet”, to which I replied, “uh...what info?... oh that info!....but weren't you going to send me your postal address?”. My friend; “oh yes!...”.
etc. etc.

This little article is in fact being written to use up some time constructively while waiting for a client who's stuck in traffic (and eventually had to cancel).

I really hope for your sake that you aren't reading this before the 15th of October 2008 (or during some future Retrograde Mercury period)! Haven't you heard?!- you best be doing as little as possible now, since no intelligent or literate act will go unpunished! ;)